I too, had many urges, because who can resist temptations! But things turned out unexpectedly for me as I felt strongly physically attracted to not my soon-to-be-husband but with his cousin.
Ever since my husband and his family came to see me, I got a glimpse of his cousin, who’s everything I want in a man. He’s tender, strong and soft-spoken yet firm. My husband does have a certain roughness to him that I have never really appreciated but I honestly wanted my marriage to get fixed with his cousin, not him. I tried telling my parents several times how I wanted to be the cousin’s wife, not his, but my parents shamed me for wanting absurd things. His cousin was two years younger than me, and that eliminated any chances I had with him.
I could feel his eyes on me at certain times, and the stare burned my skin with desire which I controlled every time. I tricked my feelings into thinking I had the hots for my husband and not his cousin, but I just couldn’t stop thinking about him. Maybe, I was supposed to live my life this way, because one way or another, I had almost no say in my life.
Our wedding day quickly approached. My husband looked very eager to marry me. I did think of approaching him once regarding this but my parents warned me that he is a hot-headed person and that matters would only get worse. I had the excitement of a wedding but not of my marriage. But no matter how much I liked his cousin, I had to leave all of that behind. On the wedding day, after I got ready, I wanted a few moments alone for myself. I knew how tough it all was going to be. And just then, my husband’s cousin slipped into my room.
He looked at me with so much passion, but I reminded him that he shouldn’t be there in my room. Both of us looked at each other, and then we smashed our lips onto each other. I didn’t care about my makeup as it was smudge-proof, so I had nothing to worry about. We fiercely made out and his hands wandered all over my body. My body was burning with desire. I looked at him, and it suggested that I was still a virgin. He looked surprised but he quickly masked it, and made his way into my lehenga. And then, with one final look, he made love to me. It was painful but bittersweet. I loved every moment of it.
Surprisingly, I didn’t feel guilty because I knew the both of us would never speak of this to anyone. And after my marriage, I would remain devoted to my husband and to date, I have. But those few moments of passion with the one I had feelings for, couldn’t compare to anything. I knew it was very wrong of us, but who are we to go against our desires?