Love Capsule: I lost my virginity on my wedding day but not to my husband – Times of India

I have always believed in saving myself for my husband, for our wedding night. It is just the thrill of finally giving yourself to the one you are intended for, that gets my adrenaline pumping. Don’t get me wrong; I hold nothing against those who choose to have sex before marriage.

I too, had many urges, because who can resist temptations! But things turned out unexpectedly for me as I felt strongly physically attracted to not my soon-to-be-husband but with his cousin.

Ever since my husband and his family came to see me, I got a glimpse of his cousin, who’s everything I want in a man. He’s tender, strong and soft-spoken yet firm. My husband does have a certain roughness to him that I have never really appreciated but I honestly wanted my marriage to get fixed with his cousin, not him. I tried telling my parents several times how I wanted to be the cousin’s wife, not his, but my parents shamed me for wanting absurd things. His cousin was two years younger than me, and that eliminated any chances I had with him.

I could feel his eyes on me at certain times, and the stare burned my skin with desire which I controlled every time. I tricked my feelings into thinking I had the hots for my husband and not his cousin, but I just couldn’t stop thinking about him. Maybe, I was supposed to live my life this way, because one way or another, I had almost no say in my life.

Our wedding day quickly approached. My husband looked very eager to marry me. I did think of approaching him once regarding this but my parents warned me that he is a hot-headed person and that matters would only get worse. I had the excitement of a wedding but not of my marriage. But no matter how much I liked his cousin, I had to leave all of that behind. On the wedding day, after I got ready, I wanted a few moments alone for myself. I knew how tough it all was going to be. And just then, my husband’s cousin slipped into my room.

He looked at me with so much passion, but I reminded him that he shouldn’t be there in my room. Both of us looked at each other, and then we smashed our lips onto each other. I didn’t care about my makeup as it was smudge-proof, so I had nothing to worry about. We fiercely made out and his hands wandered all over my body. My body was burning with desire. I looked at him, and it suggested that I was still a virgin. He looked surprised but he quickly masked it, and made his way into my lehenga. And then, with one final look, he made love to me. It was painful but bittersweet. I loved every moment of it.

Surprisingly, I didn’t feel guilty because I knew the both of us would never speak of this to anyone. And after my marriage, I would remain devoted to my husband and to date, I have. But those few moments of passion with the one I had feelings for, couldn’t compare to anything. I knew it was very wrong of us, but who are we to go against our desires?

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